dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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