if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize