you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
