totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
