He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
