what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
