You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
