I wish you could order shots online.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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