All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
