Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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