Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
