I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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