its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
