im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
