Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
