she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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