remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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