yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
