youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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