Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
