I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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