Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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