There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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