proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
