my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
