I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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