I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
