so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
