pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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