You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
