The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
