now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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