just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize