so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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