You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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