somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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