You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
