Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
