i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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