She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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