Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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