Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
