I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
