Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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