My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize