So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
