party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
