sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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