i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
