OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
