I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
