I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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