You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We need a shit load of segways right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
