I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
