found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
