he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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