I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize