You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
