I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
