After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
