I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
