YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
