I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
