Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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