I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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