In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
