whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
