i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
